Project Runway: Tanfastic, slasher couture

Break out the Atlas suites and scan the fresh crew of designers for this season’s standouts. Don’t try too hard, though. They tried to stand out on their own for us, by coining catchphrases such as Leanne’s promise that she’s the “silent fashion assassin.”
     This season’s first challenge went retro, back to Gristedes for the “design an outfit out of random objects from the supermarket aisles” a la the show’s first-ever episode. They were given $75 and a half-hour to shop. It was a challenge won by Austin Scarlet in Season 1. He wove a very chi-chi dress out of corn husks. (A big seller in Des Moines, I hear…)
     The designers steered clear of the produce aisles for the most part, except for Korto who used kale and tomatoes to create a live “brooch” for her marigold yellow paper tablecloth dress. Tim Gunn warned that because so many designers grabbed tablecloths for fabric that the judges would hiss “You guys are a bunch of slackers” for not being more creative. Ouch!
     A couple designers stood out right away, and I predict they will be serious contenders. Daniel formed a corset-tight dress out of plastic drinking cups that he ironed (yes, ironed!) to mold around the dress form. Kelli dyed and bleached vacuum cleaner bags, scorched coffee filters and made eyes and hooks from spiral notebook wire for the back of her cute cocktail dress. Korto’s dress stood out as a bold statement, well-made and stylish. Kelli’s creativity with multiple raw materials earned her the first win and immunity for next week.
     No season would be complete without a few weirdos. Stella, who looks like she’s channeling Joey Ramone, realized the garbage bags she picked out were utter crap. So she made an utterly crappy quasi-bike/punk dress out of rough sewn strips. Heidi, with the charm of a German tank, deemed it “butt ugly.”  
     Most notable this season on the scale of weirdness is the tanning monkey, Blayne. He assembled an ugly-ass outfit that looked like a web woven by a spider tripping on acid. He drew some pretty descriptive adjectives in the judges reviews. “Old diapers,” sneered Michael Kors. “Hideous,” lisped Austin. “A little Playboy bunny gone grunk,” Heidi smack talked. Those sounded like compliments compared to what they had to say about Jerry’s ensemble of a raincoat and “party dress” made from a table cloth and shower curtain. Michael Kors described it as a costume fitting a “strange, weird Batman slasher movie.” You know what? He wuz right!
     Predictions for Bryant Park Three: Daniel, Kelli and Jerell
     Nina Garcia’s mood for this episode: Semi-sweet but there’s a migraine on her horizon

 

Top Chef: 13th & 14th courses: Let’s hear it for the girls

Sorry I’ve shirked my culinary critique duties, but here’s my take on the final two shows of this season.
     First of all, congrats to Stephanie! Although I predicted Richard would win, I had a feeling at the start that she was a strong contender, being a Chicagah girl and all. It’s great to finally have a woman win the Top Chef title.

SEMIFINALS: The final four — Richard, Stephanie, Antonia and Lisa — regrouped after some time off in Puerto Rico. Lisa was sporting a new, tough-love haircut to accentuate that she was ready to rumble and had the tostones to do so. Wait, that was the Quickfire Challenge. They four had to come up with a fresh take on the fried smashed plantain treat. Stephanie, who’d never made a tostone, won the challenge.
     The Elimination Challenge was to celebrate Puerco Rican cuisine, pun intended, by butchering a whole pig and making three dishes to serve to a cocktail party that included the First Lady. Each chef got to pick one of the previously dismissed chefs, and Stephanie had first choice. She chose Dale, and together they worked on a pork satay on a sugar cane skewer, coconut braised pork, plantain blini and what looked like a promising side of pork rubbed with intriguing spices. Problem was, Dale forgot to put it in the fridge before they left for the night. Stephanie refused to serve it and they had to improvise on the spot. Dale came to her rescue by suggesting a salad using chiccarones on top.
     Richard and Spike served up fresh ham with local beans, pressured cooked pork belly, and pork ribs glazed with malta (a beverage) and coffee and cinnamon. Antonia and Nikki made a rustic meal of pigeon peas with pork sausage, pork belly fruit salad and cured pork with pumpkin and yucca. Former archenemies Lisa and Andrew went whole hog for Puerto Rican cuisine creating a citrus braised pork belly tostone, braised pork belly and rellenos with pork. 
     Antonia made the fatal mistake of undercooking her pigeon peas. (Hey, it’s a major offense with this crowd.) The judges deemed her meal “least sophisticated.” Richard won for his great flavors that blended his home traditions with the environment he was in. And to sweeten the deal, he won a new car.

FINALS: The final three had to make a four-course meal for nine guests (black tie), including some top chefs in their own right and their three sous chefs for the start of the challenge: April Bloomfield, Dan Barber and Eric Ripert. The meal had to include a fish, poultry and red meat entree as well as dessert.
     Of course there was a twist. After having the great sous chefs for the first day, they were taken away and the contestants were on their own. The result was a less inspired finale than I’ve seen on other seasons. There was no hands-down winner. Each chef had moments of brilliance (unfortunately too few for Richard, who fell on his Santoku and choked, even though they loved his vanilla bacon ice cream — shades of Marcel’s avocado bacon recipe). It was then a debate among the judges whether they’d prefer Lisa’s fiery (just like her) meal or Stephanie’s simpler, cleaner tastes. Lisa looked like she might pull off a huge upset, her food appeared to be the strongest, but perhaps because she had a much better record of wins, Stephanie took the crown.
     Until next season, last one out of the kitchen please turn the lights off…

 

Top Chef: Twelfth Course — Chicago’s last leg

QUICKFIRE: Get thee to a butchery! That’s the bid the remaining five chefs heeded as they scurried off to Allens, a butcher shop known for its dry aged beef. The chefs were handed haute butcher wear and a rack o’ beef that they had to trim into individual, frenched chops. Spike took to the challenge like a zombie takes to a chainsaw massacre, neatly and beautifully carving away the fat to expose perfect chops. Stephanie could barely get her knife through the dry aged exterior. Then the chefs packed up their beef and returned to the kitchen where Padma and renowned Chicago chef, Richard Tramonto, asked them to cook the steaks to a perfect medium-rare. His restaurant calls these cuts tomahawk steaks, and they were hatchet-honkin’ huge!
     It was interesting to see the varying approaches to preparing the steaks. Richard roasted, grilled then charred his. Lisa gave it the traditional pan-seared treatment. Stephanie cooked it on the stove in a mixture of oil and butter. Spike used an open flame with olive oil and rosemary added for flava. Antonia basted hers with loads of butter and garlic as it cooked, then let it rest five minutes.  
     Stephanie’s lack of butchery skills was her downfall. Both she and Richard were admonished for undercooking the steaks. Spike and Antonia received the highest praise, with his “amazing” butchery and her “beautifully crusted steak, cooked perfectly.” Spike the butcher (is it something about his name?) nailed this challenge.

ELIMINATION: Next the chefs were taken to Chef Tramonto’s steakhouse where they were to cook an appetizer and entree to serve to real customers plus three VIPs: the current three Top Chefs — Harold Dieterle, Ilan Hall and Hung Huynh.
     Because he won the first challenge, Spike had the advantage of selecting proteins and ingredients first. He grabbed frozen scallops (to the overt eyebrow raising of the others) and the tomahawk steaks. Lisa selected shrimp and New York strip steaks. Antonia went for the rib eyes, eggs and veggies. Stephanie took tenderloin and sweetbreads. Richard planned a hamachi with sweetbreads appetizer and beef tenderloin.
     Chef Tom Colicchio announces he will expedite the meals. It is his duty to call out the orders to chefs and make sure they arrive in a timely fashion. Oh, and by the way chefs, we need six tasting portions for the VIPS, Padma, Gail and Richard.
     Lisa won praise for the lemon sauce on her shrimp but the fact that they were cold turned off the judges. Her strip steak was served with a spicy apple caramel sauce with a side of peanut butter mashed potatoes (that they wanted to hate, but loved). Unfortunately her dishes were not balanced enough for the judges. Chef Tramonto said he would put Richard’s appetizer on his menu today, he loved it so much, but again his meat was undercooked. Antonia’s perfectly poached egg on her mushroom and artichoke salad was appreciated, but her rib eyes with a shallot/potato gratin was praised for its fattiness (maybe a bit rich for some). Stephanie displayed a culinary side not known to the judges with her crisp sweet & sour veal sweetbreads with fennel, pine nuts and haricot vert. Harold called it “impressive,” Hung praised its tartness and crunchiness. The judges loved her tenderloin with wild mushrooms saying everything in it was compatible. Spike, whose scallops turned into a nightmare, was admonished for choosing a bad ingredient to start with, then he sniped if they were so bad why were they in Richard’s freezer? Meeeeeooow! {Ding! That takes the season’s prize for top snarkiness to the judges!} He added sweet potato puree, Brussels sprouts and cipolle to his tomahawk steak dish. The judges called it too sweet, and would have preferred the meat alone.
     Stephanie earned her place in the Final Four for having the most well-rounded menu. Richard got in for his appetizer; Antonia got in for her fattylicious entree. And the knife fell on Spike, who’d been in the bottom group seven times. Lisa, thanks to some bum scallops and a cocky chef, you’re one lucky gal! On to the finals in Puerto Rico!

 

Top Chef: Eleventh Course — Life during restaurant wars time

QUICKFIRE: It’s 5:45 a.m. and Tom Colicchio walks into the house saying up and at ‘em, chefs. ‘Em being eggs that need to be fried, sunny side up, scrambled or in an omelet for the diners at Lou Mitchell’s. With the breakfast joint’s owner Helene as judge, the six remaining chefs were sent into “the hole” to face fast and furious incoming orders from waitresses. Helene noted Antonia was calm and took direction well, but she also thought Dale did a good job. Antonia won the challenge and an important right for the elimination round.

ELIMINATION: Bring on da restaurant wars, Chicagah-style! The chefs were directed to an open space, big enough for two dining rooms to be set up with a kitchen for both teams to share. Antonia’s prize was getting to choose her team for the challenge, and without missing a beat, she returned to her wedding wars compadres Stephanie and Richard. That meant oil and water (Dale and Lisa) would mix it up in the kitchen once again with Mr. Goofball (the ever slippery Spike) in the shadows. Stephanie and Spike both took on the front of the house posts. Each team got $1,500 for food for about 35 diners and $5,000 at Pier One to decorate.
     Warehouse Kitchen (Team Antonia) opted for an elegant menu in casual atmosphere. Mai Buddha (Team Dale) opted for Asian cuisine in an elegant setting. Chef Anthony Bourdain — filling in for Colicchio who was called away to a charity function — saw that as a fatal flaw. He felt the Asian setting should be more modest, one in which you’d feel comfortable with greasy dumpling running down your face. The decor was setting them up for higher expectations.
     The episode’s twist was that each team got a choice of one set of helping hands from former contestants Mark, Andrew, Jenn or Nikki. Since Team Antonia was cooking linguine and clams and forgot to buy pasta, she picked Nikki the pastameister to help them out. Dale picked Jenn.
     Warehouse Kitchen’s menu started with a choice of beet salad with boucheron goat cheese and ras el hanout spices or linguine with clams, sausage and horseradish creme fraiche. Next was a choice of trout with caramelized and pureed cauliflower or lamb squared (pieces of loin and shank). For dessert they offered a savory Gorgonzola cheesecake with sweet potato puree and concord grape sauce or Richard’s reprise of his banana “scallops” with chocolate ice cream.
     Mai Buddha’s menu began with a choice of prawn laksa soup or homemade pork dumplings. The main course was a choice of braised short ribs or butterscotch miso scallops. To finish the meal, they offered Dale’s halo-halo with cantaloupe, coconut, avocado, kiwi and candied cashews or Lisa’s Mango sticky rice.
     With the tension setting the other team up in flames, Warehouse had an easy victory. The judges liked the surprise of sausage added to the linguine and clams, the presentation of the trout (with the skin still on), and the blend of flavors in the savory cheesecake. They did not like the smear of chocolate ice cream for… ahem… aesthetic reasons. Stephanie won for her cheesecake and clam dishes.
     Good comments for Mai Buddha were scant. Chef Bourdain called the butterscotched scallops “Willy Wonka” — like a melted candy bar. Chef Jose Andreas said nothing seemed to work in the dish. As for the laksa, Bourdain said it was so smoky it was like “putting your nose in a campfire.” And the other diners especially hated Lisa’s mango sticky rice that they called “baby food garnished with potpourri.” {shudder!} The judges complimented Spike’s “guile or luck” that made him know it would be smart to be MIA from the kitchen and a good day to be in the dining room.
     It came down to Dale complaining that Lisa was the weakest link, and Lisa countering that a team is only as good as its leader. Buh-bye, Dale! (Too bad — even though he was surly, he was often a great cook.) 
    

 

American Idol: This wrong feels right

So after we were all brainwashed last night to believe that David Cook had no chance of winning the A-Idol crowd, kaBOOM!, we were all proven so very, very wrong. And what a delight that is!
     David Archuleta did sing his guts out last night, but kudos to America for appreciating the subtle brilliance of Cook’s performances. (Yes, there is hope for this nation!)
     I wondered if a shocker was in the works when the hosts of the A-Idol commentary show on the TV Guide Network kept mentioning how different it sounded last night in the auditorium compared to the broadcast. They all said David Cook sounded much stronger, and even Simon Cowell said it was much closer than a TKO. When the Davids arrived at the TV Guide broadcast before the finals results show, David Cook thanked Kimberley Caldwell for her kind comments, handed her a flower and asked her out to dinner. She was thrilled, but thought at the time she would be going out with the runner-up. Was that her squealing the loudest when the results were announced?
     I liked that the results show focused on music and not the smarmy sketches of the past. That is, of course, except for the blurring of “The Love Guru” commercial into the show. (Was that Andrew Lloyd Weber again?) I especially liked the Carly Smithson/Michael Johns duet on “The Letter” and found George Michaels’ performance quite moving.
     Wow, still can’t get over this win for David Cook. Great things await him!

 

DWTS: Skating to victory

Congrats to Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas, the victors tonight!
     Well, it’s hard to defeat contestants who score 90 of 90 points for the last three dances. Although Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska got a well-earned 30 for their crowd pleasing quick step (the popular vote advanced them to the final round instead of Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke), Kristi and Mark were still way ahead and did a great job on their jive (not missing a beat when her shoe got caught in her skirt).
     It was a fun show and I loved Usher’s second song and dance. What a great season of DWTS!
     UPDATE: I mis-wrote yesterday that Kristi would be the first female winner. I forgot (or maybe I forced out of my mind) snippy Kelly Monaco who won (stole) the first season trophy from John O’Hurley (who’ll always be J. Peterman in my mind).

 

American Idol: TKO’d by hunger

So they went a bit overboard with the boxing theme tonight, but in the end David Archuleta TKO’d David Cook with his hunger for the prize. Both singers sang very well, but David A. sang his guts out, practically begging the audience to don’t let the sun go down on his dreams of becoming the next American Idol.
     That said, my favorite performance of the night was David C. singing U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” His performance displayed the lovely nuances in his voice and signature phrasing that puts a creative spin on every song he sings.
     David A. fits the American Idol mold well, and should be very successful. David C. is more the original thinker/singer, reminiscent of Bo Bice. Perhaps the Idol framework would stifle his creativity too much.
American Idol:They practically crowned David Archuleta tonight

 

DWTS: Oh yes, it’s Lady’s Night

Well the finals have cha-cha-cha’d and freestyled across our TV screens, and it’s a given, Kristi Yamaguchi will be crowned the first female champion. What stellar performances she and partner Mark Ballas delivered tonight.
     First off, the three couples participated in a cha-cha-cha off, with Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke dancing first, then Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska, followed by Kristi and Mark — all to the same music. As judge Carrie Ann Inaba said, this was a great opportunity to see them perform side by side and really compare styles and skill. With that in mind, she and judges Bruno Tonioli and Len Goodman concurred that there was no beating Kristi and Mark. “The complete package.” “In a class of your own.” “You won hands down!” They scored a perfect 30.
     Cristian looked a bit shaky at first but then settled into the dance nicely. Len “loved it” and complimented his “gear in the rear.” Bruno noted how Cristian had showed such improvement and Carrie Ann called their performances “fantastic.” Jason’s height and long lines are more suited to ballroom, so he was at a distinct disadvantage in this round. His awkward arms movements caught the judges eyes, and a sloppy spin of Edyta caught mine. They took the lowest score this round — 24; Cristian and Cheryl scored 26.
     Next up was the freestyle. In sparkly, pinned-striped wonderfulness, Kristi and Mark did amazing lifts lifts LIFTS to a mamboed-hip hop version of Michael Jackson’s “Working Day and Night.” It blew away the hopes of the remaining contenders; there was no coming back after such a performance. Bruno deemed it “worthy of the champion.” Carrie Ann noted it was a “big crowd pleaser” and Len said every moment held his attention and he “absolutely loved it.” Ka-CHING! — another perfect 30.
     Next, Jason and Edyta did a fun, entertaining and sexy-hot groove to Will Smith’s “Miami.” Carrie Ann loved that it showed he could get funky. Len liked the humor, said the lifts were fantastic and then mumbled something gross about Speedos and thongs. Eeeeuw! In response to the mutual shirts ripping off, Bruno stated “If you’ve got it flaunt it,” and added it was like “watching centerfolds.”
     The final dance of the season was set to Elvis Crespo’s great Latin groove, “Suavemente.” Cristian and Cheryl did a terrific, one-armed dance but you could see that his fire had been extinguished a bit by that flaming hot pair of 30s that Kristi and Mark earned. Despite Cristian’s injury, this being the finals, the judges said they had to compare the lifts on an even scoring ground and his were not quite up to the level of the other couples’. Despite that, Bruno was tickled that the dance had the most shake in it he’d witnessed since the Northridge Quake.
DWTS Champions: It’d be the biggest upset of the century if it’s not Kristi and Mark

 

Top Chef: Tenth Course — Thinking outside the boxed lunch

QUICKFIRE: Ohmigod… they brought so, SO sexy Sam “The Hot Diabetic” Talbot back from Season 2 as a guest judge. Give me a few so I can compose myself… There, better now.
     Anyway, Sam challenged the group of seven to bring sexy back to the salad — within 45 minutes. Richard tried another playful approach, making a “ceviche” of fruits and veggies.  Andrew made a fruit salad of strawberries and mango with a Thai dressing and siracha. Spike countered with a “sensual beef salad” of skirt steak, pineapple, radish and cucumber. Lisa went under the sea to find ingredients for her grilled squid and lobster salad that she “sexified” by adding banana. (Squid & banana?!!!) Antonia felt the heat from S.T.H.D. and responded by poaching an egg over a wild mushroom salad with squash blossoms and a bacon vinaigrette. Dale’s poached chicken salad had an Asian flavor with nori paste, chopped Napa cabbage and rice wine vinegar. Stephanie ran out of time to finish/plate her artichoke chips, but her fall duet salad included pear, artichoke and pear vinaigrette. Sam’s least favorite attempts were Richard’s (”not acidic” enough for a ceviche), Stephanie’s missing artichoke chip and Lisa’s “banana hodgepodge.” Sam liked Spike’s blend of beef, pineapple and mint. He told Antonia that nothing was “sexier than breaking into a yolk” and she just about died. (Me too.) He gave props to Dale for the touch of pureed Nori in his salad. And the Justin Timberlake Award for Bringing Sexy Back to Salad went to… Spike!

ELIMINATION: Sam, of course, is diabetic and also comes from a family of cops. This challenge combined those two facts into protect and serve cops in training by creating a healthy box lunch. Each dish had to include a vegetable, fruit, something whole grain and a lean protein.
     As the challenge winner, Spike had an extra 10 minutes in Whole Foods to buy his four main ingredients. Once chosen, none of the other contestants could use them. Instead of focusing on the concept of his dish, Spike focused on the strategy of picking four ingredients that the loss of would cripple his opponents and force them to be very creative. So he went for chicken, bread, tomatoes and lettuce. It was a risky strategy, and really annoyed the others. 
     Spike made a mayo-less open faced chicken salad with grapes and olives, whole wheat pita slices and crudite. The judges called it “pedestrian.” Andrew made a salmon maki roll wrapped in parsnip/pine nut “rice” with pickled ginger and wasabi that the judges deemed “very strange.” (Kinda like him…) Antonia made a curried beef with caramelized cauliflower, brown rice and mixed fruit. The judges really liked the flavors. Dale cooked lemongrass bison (fewer calories/50 percent less cholesterol than beef) with brown rice and a cucumber, radish and herb salad. The creativity of his protein choice impressed the judges who thought the dish need a bit more heat but it had nice color. Lisa made shrimp stir fry with endamame, bean sprouts and a spicy hot sauce that was cooled with Greek yogurt topped with berries. The heat under her brown rice was mysteriously turned up during the cooking time. She said the “S” word: sabotage. All denied it. Spike was annoyed by Richard’s “question of the day” to all of the cops: “Do you like burritos?” He made them a grilled tuna “burrito” rolled in a rice wrapper with quinoa, beans, avocado, mango and cucumber salad. Stephanie cooked a hearty mushroom, leek and meatball soup with barley, pureed veggies, apples and yogurt. The judges said it was both very well seasoned and satisfying. At the judges table, it was Dale who won this round. He noted that makes it five for 20 wins.
     Called into the loser round were Andrew, Spike and Lisa. Andrew was told his meal would leave the cops hungry for more, and more apt to raid a candy machine in the afternoon. Spike got spanked for combining olives and grapes in his chicken salad. He gave lip back to the judges saying it was about the sweet/salty thing. Tom Colicchio countered that it was about the taste thing. Meeeeooow!
     Lisa was knocked for undercooked shrimp (yikes!), then she threw Andrew under the bus for not having a whole grain in his dish. Andrew responded that he’s “always been against the grain” and then he further proved it by displaying some serious ‘tude to the panel. When the judges sent him packing his knives he said get-up-in-a-clocktower-with-a-gun creepily, “No security necessary.” Spike said from the heart, “Andrew and I will be boys forever.” Love you guys… not!
Meanwhile, that’s a gorgeous sweater Sam’s wearing. Thank you TC for bringing sexy back, STHD-style ;^)

 

American Idol: No yes in Syesha

Contrary to what Paula once told her, there was no “yes” in Syesha’s name tonight. Though she may not have been in the A-Idol finals, she has surely secured an exciting future for herself. Good for her, she deserves the best that will come her way.
     Next week’s finals should be the most exciting in A-Idol history. Either of the two Davids could snag the title. It is completely down to the wire for these talented two. Lately David Cook has gained some ground, but I expect these two to both bring on their best.