Well the finals have cha-cha-cha’d and freestyled across our TV screens, and it’s a given, Kristi Yamaguchi will be crowned the first female champion. What stellar performances she and partner Mark Ballas delivered tonight.
     First off, the three couples participated in a cha-cha-cha off, with Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke dancing first, then Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska, followed by Kristi and Mark — all to the same music. As judge Carrie Ann Inaba said, this was a great opportunity to see them perform side by side and really compare styles and skill. With that in mind, she and judges Bruno Tonioli and Len Goodman concurred that there was no beating Kristi and Mark. “The complete package.” “In a class of your own.” “You won hands down!” They scored a perfect 30.
     Cristian looked a bit shaky at first but then settled into the dance nicely. Len “loved it” and complimented his “gear in the rear.” Bruno noted how Cristian had showed such improvement and Carrie Ann called their performances “fantastic.” Jason’s height and long lines are more suited to ballroom, so he was at a distinct disadvantage in this round. His awkward arms movements caught the judges eyes, and a sloppy spin of Edyta caught mine. They took the lowest score this round — 24; Cristian and Cheryl scored 26.
     Next up was the freestyle. In sparkly, pinned-striped wonderfulness, Kristi and Mark did amazing lifts lifts LIFTS to a mamboed-hip hop version of Michael Jackson’s “Working Day and Night.” It blew away the hopes of the remaining contenders; there was no coming back after such a performance. Bruno deemed it “worthy of the champion.” Carrie Ann noted it was a “big crowd pleaser” and Len said every moment held his attention and he “absolutely loved it.” Ka-CHING! — another perfect 30.
     Next, Jason and Edyta did a fun, entertaining and sexy-hot groove to Will Smith’s “Miami.” Carrie Ann loved that it showed he could get funky. Len liked the humor, said the lifts were fantastic and then mumbled something gross about Speedos and thongs. Eeeeuw! In response to the mutual shirts ripping off, Bruno stated “If you’ve got it flaunt it,” and added it was like “watching centerfolds.”
     The final dance of the season was set to Elvis Crespo’s great Latin groove, “Suavemente.” Cristian and Cheryl did a terrific, one-armed dance but you could see that his fire had been extinguished a bit by that flaming hot pair of 30s that Kristi and Mark earned. Despite Cristian’s injury, this being the finals, the judges said they had to compare the lifts on an even scoring ground and his were not quite up to the level of the other couples’. Despite that, Bruno was tickled that the dance had the most shake in it he’d witnessed since the Northridge Quake.
DWTS Champions: It’d be the biggest upset of the century if it’s not Kristi and Mark